Foto, 2007 //A.L. my first mentor & one of the dearest friends whom i met in NYC //
Its so hard to maintain the balance of relationships.
It seems that people just wait for the moment to get on your case. To fight you. You share with them how you feel and ask them to read and get back to you and they get back by fighting instead of calmly expressing their way of seeing things or feeling about a situation. The mature or maturer becomes a stronger fighter when it comes to foolish issues.
And then you have those friends to whom you reach out for a coffee and they never even have the decency to respond to you. Well, I often confuse the friends with the lovers so maybe the latter have a right not to ever respond for that coffee. Ha!
I used to feel that having friends is the best thing. Lately i think its a good curse also. You need to know very well your friends to call them so. Once my friend J.H. wrote me : "You are not a friend anymore to me. I only have five friends and I keep it this way because I am selective" . She is right that not everyone can be one's friend. People with too many friends are not True Friends TO THEMSELVES!
Some friendships get tested through time. When I first arrived to nyc, E.P. had shown me her bad side as a friend. Six years later, I travelled to the homeland only for one reason; to receive the below words from her: "I am sorry that back in New york I wasnt a good friend to you. I Love you."
The word "sorry" for some people means nothing. To me, it means a lot. And I definitely know how to use it often.
I have so many memories of friends who were there for me during my struggles and then disapeared. And some who couldnt deal with my struggles, but said sorry later.
Those are the True Friends in my soul.
All the rest, were just passing by.
Hope you all stay true to what a Friend means to you!
Have I been a great Friend?
To few yes, to some no..to myself absolutely!
Why I fight a lot with my Friends?
Because i LOVE THEM DEEPLY!
Muchas Love,
- Garia August
This is beautiful Maria! I enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteGlad you enjoyed reading it ! Big Hug from nyc
ReplyDeleteI wish our friendship had passed the test of time too...
ReplyDeleteI woke up again with tears in my eyes today. Once more I was trying to reach out to you in my dream and ask you WHY. Why are you not here close to me during my darkest hours.
Sometime many years ago, you told me you could not stand seeing me unhappy cause you cared for me too much.
And left. Never heard the word "sorry" from you, so I guess we were "friends" only for the good times.
Relationships are hard - it's true. Especially if you are filled with emotions you cannot share.
Especially if you are the one left behind...
So sorry to hear that you woke up today with tears in your eyes. And that my post may have caused this emotions. You see I already said "sorry". Maybe I will say it more in time. Obviously this is someone I know...so lets allow time to help our friendship to pass the tests! All is possible! hope you smile tomorrow morning :-)
DeleteYour post didn't evoke this emotions.
DeleteYour post was just there at the right time. Right when I woke up filled with sorrow for my lost friend whom I could not reach... Almost like an odd message from the universe challenging me to reply and once again attempt to re connect.
I will always treasure my 50% of our relationship, for the rest there is nothing really I can do. I know you've changed over the time and I am proud for the woman you've become.
As for me I will always stay romantic - a poet in heart - eagerly awaiting for my loved ones to return. Until then it is difficult to smile from the heart.